"I didn’t think there was any way you’d take that shot," said the stranger, his delivery laced with forced bravado.
I turned to face my verbal assailant. Stony stare. Left eyebrow slightly peaked. Irritation in full effect.
I know what you’re thinking - that icebreaker wasn’t that bad. And you’re right. It wasn’t. It wasn’t rude; it wasn’t crass; it wasn’t ridiculously cheesy…it was just annoying. Do I happen to enjoy the process of taking shots? No. Did he know that? Nope. He didn’t know anything about me.
Presumption and banality are the curse of a nervous pick-up line. This wasn’t some misogynistic a-hole; this was a nice guy pumping himself full of false confidence and attempting to run game.
“Where are you from?”
“Originally? Nebraska.”
“Nebraska?! Ha. I’m sorry.”
…
Seriously?
Nice-guy negging is one of the saddest phenomenons to come out of The Game. Essentially a how-to guide for picking up chicks, The Game perpetuates the myth that the quickest way to a girl’s heart is to cut down her self-esteem.
First of all, this only works if said girl is 18 years old/or seriously damaged. Second of all, good-hearted, well-meaning dudes just don’t do it right. They don’t fully commit. They can’t bring themselves to say something totally barbaric, so they pick a mundane topic and quibble it to death.
Kill. Me. Now.
At least when a guy’s a complete dbag, you can tell him to f*ck off and continue your evening in peace. These awkwardly aggressive shy-guys manage to pull at your heartstrings, even while firing up every single one of your neuroses. How long are you supposed to wait before you tell them you JUST DON’T CARE? You don’t want to hurt the poor dude’s feelings.
Approaching a girl at a bar can be a nerve-whittling experience. We get that. And we appreciate when legitimate men make the effort. When we say nice guys are hard to find, what we really mean is, nice guys who haven’t been beaten down by their needless insecurities. If the sweet sector of the less-fair sex would simply embrace their congenial qualities and let that affability fuel their swagger, the dating world would be a much saner place.
And just in case there is any confusion, ignorantly insulting a girl’s home state - or her BlackBerry for that matter - will not get you laid.
Ever.