May 2013
3 posts
9 tags
Let's Not Make This About Me
In honor of today’s #tbt instagram, pictured above, I thought I would relive one of the few crisp memories of my childhood.
In fourth grade, gifted classes across the state of Nebraska were to take a standardized test, with the promise of medals and governor commendations for the top scorers.
In fourth grade, this was my idea of heaven.
[cue: commentary on my incessant need for...
14 tags
Crossfit Owner Stabs Intruder to Death on Mother's... →
Click that link to read all about it. Her husband is probably feeling really good about himself right now.
My favorite part of the article: “…there’s nothing to indicate why the house was attacked. There’s no marijuana growing in the home, for example, West said.”
…
Woah - calm down, West. No one said anything about marijuana…
Defensive much?
13 tags
Chasing the Passion
In response to a friend’s shocked/appalled/aghast/bewildered reaction to the intense level of inactivity in my dating life, I vowed to liven it it up a bit. Two nights later, a tall Australian entered the scene. He had flown into NY that Thursday for his best mate’s birthday party, and was scheduled to depart on a business trip Saturday morning. His one free night was Friday and he...
April 2013
6 posts
18 tags
12 tags
Not Going to Coachella? You Probably Hate Puppies.
I get it. It’s so cool to hate Coachella this year.
No, really. I get it. It’s not what it used to be. It’s a pain in the a$$ to get tickets. Expensive tickets. Expensive tickets that not all of your friends were able to get, even after spending an hour in the online waiting room of death during pre-sale, totally f*cking up your standard Coachella group. And half of...
3 tags
8 tags
When someone asks me why I'm so pale
whatshouldbetchescallme:
9 tags
16 tags
April Fool's?
I guess I’ll be getting my own flowers, then…
“Stuart kissed me today,” I pronounced. Cheeks pinking slightly at the confession. Wide eyes sparkling with unabashed glee.
I was seven. And he had. A sweet little peck on the lips, while we were lined up to head in from recess.
My...
March 2013
3 posts
15 tags
Overheard in LA
The man-child next to me at Le Pain, breaking things down for his new assistant:
“Andrea is annoying. I’ve given her unrealistic budgets on the projects she wants to work on; so if she says yes, we make a sh*tload of money. If she says no, we don’t have to do it. Because we don’t want to do it.”
…Someone might want to tell Andrea.
The next half hour of conversation covered...
9 tags
15 tags
Rejection in the Third Degree
Last Saturday, my besties and I stormed the Ace Hotel late night, after an evening of in-house capers with Palm Spring’s Finest. Proper noun. (You don’t want to know.)
As I danced my medium-sized heart out with the most amazing gays you will ever meet, I was rudely interrupted by an overly drunk, underly coherent soul. I attempted congeniality, as someone in our group pronounced...
February 2013
8 posts
5 tags
10 tags
LA Job Search: Interview Day
Got an interview in the City of Angels? “Be sure to factor in traffic.” And parking. And over-botoxed soccer moms blocking thru traffic on Robertson. And the out-of-commission light that has turned Highland & Franklin into a completely dysfunctional 8 way stop…
And these things:
1. Kinko’s will lose the print job order containing your resume & NDA. Why are you...
8 tags
Hanging Impaired
On me hanging a mirror on the back of my door:
My father: Do you have a level or a tape measure?
Me: I have a tape measure. Fingers crossed!!
My father: I have faith.
Me: Thanks, Daddies!
My father: I meant to put a ‘little’ in there.
…
Get it? Like he has little faith?
…
Jerk.
14 tags
11 tags
19 tags
13 tags
17 tags
Anyone Up For A Threesome?
If you ever find yourself at Lion Pub in San Francisco: DO order the spectacularly fresh ‘n pulpy greyhound. DON’T stay for the conversation.
Creeper: You should come back with Mitch* and I.
Me: Why?
Creeper: Because we could offer an experience you’ve never had?
Me: Oh really. What kind of experience could you offer?
Creeper: Whatever fantasy you wanted....
9 tags
The Death of Cursive
Cursive script is disappearing. Apparently, several schools have deemed it an unnecessary practice, and are replacing its spot in the school curriculum with keyboarding.
Read all about it here.
Back in the late 80’s, I was able to learn both. Proficiently. (Without the aid of a home computer, I might add.) But these districts claim they are running out of...
January 2013
11 posts
19 tags
16 tags
Nice Guys Don't Finish Last - Weak Men Do
“I didn’t think there was any way you’d take that shot,” said the stranger, his delivery laced with forced bravado.
I turned to face my verbal assailant. Stony stare. Left eyebrow slightly peaked. Irritation in full effect.
I know what you’re thinking - that icebreaker wasn’t that bad. And you’re right. It wasn’t. It...
22 tags
Missed Connections
I dropped by ShoeDazzle’s Santa Monica showroom earlier today, to interview their newly minted Chief Stylist, Rachel Zoe.
While I waited for The Hollywood Reporter’s representative to finish up her line of questioning, I kicked back on the couch next to a couple of friendly faces.
They immediately complimented me on my shoes. I immediately loved them. (It doesn’t take much to get on my good...
13 tags
TSwift is Single. Everybody Cares.
Taylor Swift & Harry Styles called it quits. Let the media coverage begin!
My favorite article of the evening appeared on The Inquisitr, with the headline, “Taylor Swift: Harry Styles Allegedly Dumped Swift Because Of Her ‘Asexual’ Tendencies.”
If you think that’s spectacular, wait ‘til you get to the first sentence:
Taylor Swift was...
7 tags
12 tags
22 tags
6 tags
11 tags
18 tags
My Optometrist is Cooler Than Yours
the new specs
In an effort to squeeze every last cent out of my company-provided COBRA plan, I decided to get my eyesight checked. I have a minor case of near-sightedness that renders street signs unreadable at night and foreign movies unwatchable from the back row.
One quick...
13 tags
I'm Afraid of New Year's Eve
I have this weird thing where I honestly believe that how you spend your New Year’s is a sign of how your year is going to go.
—mylifeissonotironic
Terrifying. But intriguing. Let’s take a little trip down memory lane, to see how this has played out in NYE’s past.
2006: SF with the SB crew! I was shooting all day on the 30th, so I took an...
December 2012
13 posts
13 tags
12 tags
Mother Nature is a Dirty Old Man
Those who know me decently well know that I’m not a huge fan of jeans/or pants.
This may or may not be related to an incident in the 7th grade, where I happened to catch a glimpse of my ankles while searching for my sewing machine’s foot pedal during Home Ec. Ankles that should have been covered by my Chic jeans. (Chic is not an...
3 tags
7 tags
8 tags
One of my besties and I love to spend a solid 17 minutes a day debating useless supposed facts. Yesterday’s topic:
The emoticon - it goes inside or outside of the punctuation?
A. I’m going to put a winky face at the end of this sentence, so you can tell I’m joking/your delicate ego doesn’t bruise momentarily ;).
B. I’m going to put a...
15 tags
A Good Prank Gone Bad
Everyone loves a good prank call. No one loves a good prank call that ends in suicide.
These are the things that I find especially tragic about the events surrounding the suicide of Kate Middleton’s nurse:
The death of Jacintha Saldanha. Obviously.
Clearly, this is heart-wrenchingly awful on so many levels. It’s difficult to completely...
10 tags
Hey
This recent nymag article turns the spotlight on the Obama team’s almost-as-recent NERDALERT:
The Revenge of the Obama Nerds narrative does have the benefit of being true. Just like reporters, Obama’s supporters weren’t nearly as enthusiastic as they’d been four years ago, but thanks in large part to the geeks who were obsessively testing which e-mail subject lines netted...
12 tags
I Have Trust Issues
You’ve settled into a seat at a coffee shop, a full day’s worth of belongings strategically splayed about your personage. Half a moment’s worth of eye contact with your newfound neighbors unobtrusively establishes a sense of nomad community.
But just how strong slash reliable is this already-known-to-be-a-fleeting-thing trust?
You’ll find out the second nature calls.
This second always...
9 tags
8 tags
No Point Being Sick and Fat ;)
A girl can always count on her closest guy friends to be honest with her.
One such bestie popped by today to deliver a ‘just-try-not-to-die’ care package, consisting of chicken noodle soup and orange juice.
Yes, I am currently stricken with fever and other flu-like symptoms. Apparently, so is the rest of this city, thank you across-the-hall-neighbor who laid bare any lingering...
8 tags
November 2012
13 posts
10 tags
7 tags
8 tags
18 tags
Gypsy, Give Me Your Tears
If you have never listened to the amazingly brilliant advicecast that is My Brother, My Brother and Me…you should. Right now.
Start with this one: Holy Terror
I was first introduced to the slightly nasal, but totally adorable, voices of Travis, Justin and Griffin McElroy by iprefermyironyinotherpeople. I instantly fell in love. A few minutes later, I...
5 tags
18 tags
It's All Fun & Games Until Someone Eats Dinner...
Last night, I met up with imawkwardlyreallyawkwardtoo for a couple rounds of last minute cocktails. This Honor Bar session was to serve two purposes: 1. To continue plotting our world domination 2. To figure out why the F the young man she was supposed to be out with (Emphasis on young. Because he’s younger. Rawr.) had decided to eat dinner without her.
This...
